Core Beliefs

There is no one true church

The true nature of the universe is far more complex than the human mind is capable of understanding in its totality. Any true understanding of that nature is by necessity a coarse approximation of reality. Too much time has been spent trying to determine which religion is true. Religion is a social and cultural tool which people use to pursue higher meaning and to commune with the world and each other. Just as there are multiple paths to the top of a mountain there are multiple understandings of the universe which are equally true.

The Cult of Our Lady Magdalene is an interfaith organization. We are happy to serve a supplemental role in your life if you are already a member of an established religion. If you consider yourself an atheist or an agnostic you are also welcome. There is no specific set of metaphysical beliefs which the Cool Magdalene requires. The only requirement is that you bring a desire to learn and a willingness to do the work required to become who you want to be. Gnosis is accessible to anyone who pursues it in earnest.

Love you as you are

Growth and self improvement are wonderful but they must begin from a place of self love. Your basic nature and identity form the foundation of whoever you will become. A fish can’t become a bird and a bird can’t become a fish but each can become faster over time within their own element. Strive towards goals that transcend the boundaries of individual natures. Love, prosperity, wisdom and all other intrinsically valuable aspects of human experience are available to everyone of every gender, sexuality, race, age and background. You do not have to change your basic nature in order to pursue truth. Attempts to do so will likely just injure yourself and impede your progress towards your ultimate goals. Instead start from a place of honest understanding and love.

Family values build families

The family is the most basic part of human social interaction.  We find partners and mates and we play and we bond and sometimes we decide to make babies.  We bond together into groups to care for those babies and raise them into people who will themselves find people with whom to play and perhaps make babies of their own someday.  This is an important part of the human experience and is one which can bring us very close to the divine. The social structures that help us do that safely and successfully are called “families” and they’re a big part of what makes humans wonderful.  We should recognize that families come in many different shapes and sizes and we should cherish them all. We should foster the values which help to build families and we should recognize that anything that causes the destruction of families cannot possibly be a “family value”.

No one needs to earn dignity

Jesus said it pretty well when he said, ‘Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:40)  There are things which everyone deserves on the basis of their humanity alone. Chief among those are the things which are core necessities for dignified existence in a culture. If, as a society, we are going to require that everyone smell like lavender and chocolate in order to participate in public life then we damned well better build public fountains of the stuff so that anyone who wants to can smell how we say they need to.  You want to make fun of “toothless hillbillies”? Well first off, fuck you. But second off, you better damned well make sure that there are free dentists available before you start making fun of someone just for being poor. Dignity is where civilization starts so unless you are willing to say that you want to exile someone from your society, you better make sure that everyone at least has table stakes.  What table stakes are changes over time and the things which were sufficient to make someone dignified gentry four hundred years ago would make them look like a beggar today. Society must keep up with the times and help keep everyone in the game. Otherwise all you’re doing is trying to build a slave underclass and if there’s anything that The Cool Magdalene™ will not abide it’s people who dream of being slavers.

Fuck you pay me

Too frequently people undervalue emotional labor. People who provide care and guidance for other people are routinely paid a fraction of what people who work on machines are paid. Like it or not, we live in a capitalist system and in a capitalist system payment is how we exchange value for value. No one would think that a smile and a ‘thank you’ would be sufficient to pay someone for creating a computer database system but that is frequently all that people who do emotional labor receive. ‘Fuck you pay me’ is a phrase which has been embraced by people across the service industry as a rallying cry asserting their worth and demanding that the people who benefit from their services compensate them appropriately.

The dedication to this core belief is why the Cool Magdalene ignored possible tax free status and incorporated as a for profit company. The Cool Magdalene provides emotional care and services to our members and to the communities in which we operate. We do not intend to be undervalued. We do not intend to beg. Our services are valuable and we expect that those who can will pay for them. There may be a wonderful future in store for us after scarcity is but a memory or we may through the course of time adopt a different system for exchanging value. Until then, fuck you pay me.